Gustav: Come on, boy, let's fly!
Gustav: Whoo-hoo! [laughs] Oh, no. [exhaling deeply] Oh, no. Oh, no. What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?
Hiccup: Gustav, how many times have we told you you can't play in here?
Gustav: I'm not playing. I'm dragon training.
Snotlout: Ugh, poor kid. Ever since I let him into my inner circle, he wants to be just like his hero, me.
Astrid: Gross and annoying?
Gustav: No, a dragon rider!
Snotlout: Look around, kid. All of the dragon-riding positions are taken. So, unless one of us kicks the bucket, you're out of luck. I'm gonna kick the bucket!
Hiccup: Uh, Snotlout, do you mind? We're having a Dagur meeting.
Tuffnut: Dagur's here?
Snotlout: In the last week I've seen three of the five signposts to Valhalla.
All: We know!
Snotlout: You know? And you're just standing there talking about stupid Dagur? One of your bravest and most treasured warriors is about to leave this world forever!
Tuffnut: Look on the bright side. At least you'll be in eternal paradise.
Astrid: So will we.
Snotlout: Joke all you want about me, but what about Hookfang? The thought of him without me for the rest of his life, it's just...
Hiccup: Are you done?
Snotlout: No, not even close. Though devastated and still in pre-mourning, Gustav has volunteered to carry on the Snotlout legacy.
Gustav: It's an honor.
Astrid: Please tell me he's not gonna fly around saying, "oy, oy, oy."
Snotlout: That's a good idea. Gustav, make a note of that.
Hiccup: Snotlout, the five signposts to Valhalla is nothing but an old wives' tale.
Snotlout: Oh, yeah? Then why have I seen the flying fish, the weeping rock, and the singing trees?
Fishlegs: You probably saw a salmon spawning, wet rocks on the beach, and a gust of wind.
Astrid: Besides, the five signposts to Valhalla are only supposed to happen to great warriors.
Snotlout: Obviously. What's your point?
Hiccup: Even if it were true, which it is not, you can't just pick someone to replace you.
Snotlout: Well, you guys threw out my original plan.
Astrid: To bury Hookfang alive beside you?
Snotlout: He would gladly sacrifice himself for his beloved master. Trust me.
Hiccup: Okay, let's just say, for argument's sake, you've seen three of the five signposts. It doesn't mean anything. There are still two left.
Snotlout: Aah! Oh, no! Oh, no! The fourth signpost... the bird of death!
Hiccup: It's not the bird of death. It's just a dead chicken. It's not the same thing, right, guys?
The Twins: Sure it is. Definitely. Bird of death.
Snotlout: We're on the clock, little man. We're starting your training immediately.
Hiccup:[sighs] Fine. The rest of us have to keep an eye on Outcast island. While we're gone, try not to take anyone else with you to eternal paradise.
Snotlout: I make no promises.
Hiccup: [sighs] I can't get a good look.
Astrid: Well, they're building something, and I'm guessing it's not good.
Ruffnut: All right, I say we blow it up!
Tuffnut: I say that's the best idea I've heard all week.
Hiccup: Tuff, we've been over this. We don't shoot first and ask questions later.
Tuffnut: Of course. We never ask questions.
Hiccup: We'll keep an eye on it. If it turns out to be something we have to worry about, then...
Tuffnut: We blow it up?
Snotlout: Okay, pay attention, Gustav. This is a Monstrous Nightmare, the most lethal dragon in the known world. Not just anybody can handle one of these bad boys.
Snotlout: I'm sorry! I don't recall saying you could touch him. Did I say that?
Gustav: Uh, no.
Snotlout: The first thing we have to cover is the proper way to mount a dragon. This has to be done in a way that lets the dragon know who exactly is the boss!
Gustav: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got this. Whoa! Yeah, yeah!
Snotlout: Okay, we'll work on that. Eyes front, recruit! Now, pay attention to everything I say.
Gustav: Sir! Yes, sir!
Fishlegs: This should go well.
Tuffnut: We're not too late, are we?
Astrid: Nope. Just about to get interesting.
Tuffnut: Oh, thank goodness. I hate missing violence.
Snotlout: A Monstrous Nightmare in the hands of a capable rider, a la me, is a weapon of unmatched firepower. It must be treated with the utmost resp... Aah! We'll work on that, recruit! Was that fun for you? Aah! Okay, Gustav, feeding time is bonding time for a dragon and its rider, and this is how we bond. Hookfang, eat!
Snotlout: You're up, kid. Bring the heat!
Gustav: Hookfang, eat!
Snotlout: Huh? Ah, ah, ah! We'll work on that! I know it's going to be hard on you all when I'm no longer here, especially you, Astrid. But I don't want any tears. I want you to remember me with joy in your hearts. So, think of the good times we all had together. It is by the power vested in me that I hereby pass the Hookfang horns to Gustav. Go with Thor, little man, for he will watch over you... with lightning bolts and a giant hammer.
Hiccup: Okay, this has gone on long enough. First of all, you are not dying!
Snotlout: Shh, shh, shh, shh. Hiccup, it's okay. Denial is part of the grieving process.
Hiccup: Second of all, no one vested you with any power.
Tuffnut: No one.
Hiccup: And even if they did...
Tuffnut: Which they didn't.
Hiccup: Gustav is in no way ready to be a member of this academy.
Tuffnut: No way.
Fishlegs: That's correct, Hiccup. There's way more to being a dragon rider than feeding it and getting on its back.
Astrid: Neither of which he can do very well, anyway.
Snotlout: None of us are perfect, except for me. Fishlegs is afraid of heights. The twins can't count past nine. Astrid has obvious anger issues, and... well, enough said.
Snotlout: Oh, Astrid, what might have been.
Snotlout: I won't feel pain in Valhalla.
Hiccup: Snotlout, for the last time, you are not going to Valhalla!
Tuffnut: Runaway sheep! [sheep bleating]
Snotlout: Ah! Ah!
Fishlegs:"The shepherd's curse." That's...
Astrid: [gasps] The fifth signpost?
Hiccup: Oh, this cannot be happening.
Snotlout: Aah! Avenge me! Have lamb for dinner!
Snotlout: This is Valhalla? What a rip-off!
Hiccup: Nope, still Berk. You fainted.
Snotlout: More proof that my warrior's body is failing me. I don't have much time, Hiccup. You have to let Gustav take my place.
Hiccup: Gustav is not taking your place. He's not ready.
Gustav: Well, train me anyway. Isn't that what you do here? I thought this was a Dragon training academy.
Hiccup: Well, Gustav, this academy was born out of timing and necessity...
Tuffnut: I thought Stoick gave it to us and said it was "just some dragon training academy."
Hiccup: That's not helping. Gustav, we learned to be dragon riders the only way we knew how, by doing. It was dangerous, foolhardy...
Ruffnut: And awesome!
Hiccup: Still not helping.
Astrid: What Hiccup is trying to say, Gustav, is that you need experience.
Fishlegs: The rider needs experience. The dragon needs experience. And the rider and the dragon together need experience.
Gustav: Experience, huh?
Snotlout: Sorry, Hookfang. I guess this means we're back to plan one. Ruff, Tuff, start digging!
[dragon growls, snorts]
Gustav: Terrible Terrors.
Gustav: Whoa! Aah! Deadly Nadder. Hmm. [dragon screeches] Too spiky. Unh, whoa!
Gustav: Monstrous Nightmare... the most lethal dragon in the known world.
Gustav: Not just anybody can handle one of these bad boys. I'm not just anybody!
Gustav: Ow! Whoa!
[dragon growls, roars]
Gustav: Okay, feeding time is bonding time. Bond with this. Eat!
Hiccup: Okay, we're gonna need a diversion to get a closer look at whatever Dagur's building.
Snotlout: The flaming funeral pyre on my flaming funeral pyre ship should do the trick.
Tuffnut: Whoa, hold on, hold on. I thought we were burying the two of you alive. [sighs] Fine, I'll start gathering wood.
Ruffnut: Yeah, and I'll start gathering pyres.
Gustav: Whoa! uh... I meant to do that.
Tuffnut: Uh, is it me, or did a tiny little Snotlout and Hookfang just fly in?
Hiccup: Gustav, what are you doing here?
Gustav: Well, you said you didn't have time to train me, so I found my own dragon and trained myself.
Hiccup: Gustav, I'm not so sure we have the same definition of "trained."
Snotlout: Look how he defies authority. Hmm. I taught him well. Now I can go in peace.
Astrid: Quit getting my hopes up.
Gustav: Fellow dragon riders, I'd like you all to meet my dragon, Fanghook.
Snotlout: Fanghook? Are you serious? Don't you have any respect for authority?
Hiccup: Gustav, we told you, there's more to being a dragon rider than just riding a dragon. You have to form a bond, a friendship.
Gustav: We have it, test us. I'll prove it.
Tuffnut: Test him! Test him! Test him, test him, test him, test him!
Fishlegs: You know, it might not be the worst idea.
Hiccup: No, I'm pretty sure it is the worst idea.
Fishlegs: Think about it. Look at Snotlout. Maybe he needs to see how easily he can be replaced.
Gustav: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Astrid: Enough said. I'm in.
Hiccup: You know what, Gustav? You're absolutely right.
Snotlout: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He is?
Hiccup: Yes, he is. Let's see you do a lap around the arena, and land on this mark.
Gustav: All right, Fanghook, fire it up!
Fishlegs: Hmm, quite the stirring battle cry.
Snotlout: Eh, it's all right.
Gustav: Uh-oh. Dragon rider!
Hiccup: Wow. That was pretty good.
Snotlout: Pretty good? Are you kidding me?
Tuffnut: Is anyone else tired of listening to Snotlout's ghost?
Snotlout: Hey, I'm not dead yet.
Ruffnut: You're dead to us.
Hiccup: Okay, bud, show them how it's done.
Gustav: Fire it up!
Snotlout: Weak sauce... he didn't even hit anything.
Hiccup: Well, that's not quite true.
Snotlout: Bravo. You're all set for the next sheep rebellion.
Tuffnut: But this time we'll win.
Snotlout: Okay, if you guys are really serious about him replacing me...
Astrid: We're just following the last wishes of a legendary warrior.
Tuffnut: Besides, no need to replace you. You're already gone. [laughs] I really... really thought that was gonna go right through him, you know, and I'd be able to tickle his back.
Snotlout: Let's just see how he does on one of our obstacle courses.
Hiccup: Okay, on this course, you start at those big pines, and then you...
Snotlout: You blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you think you're good, kid, you'll keep up with me. Fire it up!
Gustav: Hey! You stole my battle cry!
Snotlout: Snotlout school in session, Gustav! And something tells me you're about to get expelled!
Gustav:Hey, dead man talking! I'm on you like an eel on a three-legged... unh!
Snotlout:Hmm. [laughs] You get a "G," as in "fail."
Ruffnut: Hey, hey, hey! Don't throw water on him! Tiny Snotlout will just shrink more... duh.
Gustav:[sputters] How did I do?
Snotlout: Well, you lasted about two seconds.
Hiccup: But, hey, those two seconds... awesome.
Astrid: I got to admit, you're gonna make a great replacement for Snotlout, Gustav.
Snotlout: Says who? Hey, wait a second. You're trying to convince me I'm not dying. What kind of friends are you?
Hiccup: Look, Snotlout, maybe you have seen the five signposts of Valhalla. And maybe you are going to die someday. And maybe you could stop scratching your butt while I'm talking to you.
Snotlout: Sorry, it's just all this broadgrass in my shorts.
Hiccup: And your shorts are full of broadgrass why?
Snotlout: More importantly, why aren't yours? The twins told me it prevents saddle chafing.
Hiccup: Oh, they did, did they? They also let the sheep in, and sheep love broadgrass. And I'm guessing you're also the ones who dropped the bird of death.
Ruffnut: We have no idea what you're talking about.
Ruffnut: Not now!
Snotlout: Ah, oh. I get it. So this means... I give up. What does this mean?
Astrid: It means the twins were messing with you.
Snotlout: Right, right. And...
Hiccup:You're not dying!
Snotlout: I'm alive? I'm alive! Oh! Mwah, mwah. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Thor! [smooching, laughing] Snotlout's too beautiful to die, anyway.
Astrid: Ugh! And my lunch is in my throat.
Gustav: Wait. So this means I can't be in the academy? I just wanted to be a dragon rider so bad!
Snotlout: On the one hand, I sympathize with your ruthless devotion to your goal.
Gustav: And on the other hand? Ah!
Snotlout: Hey, get your butt over here! [laughs] I'm gonna get you!
Stoick: Son, we need to talk. Trader Johann just got back from Outcast island. He overheard Dagur saying he's getting ready to test-fire some sort of new weapon.
Astrid: That must be what we saw him building.
Hiccup: I'll take a couple riders, and we'll get a closer look tonight.
Stoick: All right, but don't engage the enemy. This is a scouting mission, not a battle mission.
Gustav: They may not engage the enemy, but we will, Fanghook. And then they'll have to let us in. [laughs]
Hiccup: There are a lot of Berserkers down there. What's our diversion?
Astrid: Allow me. Yoo-hoo! [dragon roars] That's right! Follow me, boys!
Dagur: What is it? What is going on?
Savage: A single dragon rider's been sighted, heading west!
Dagur: Was it the Night Fury?
Savage: No, sir. It was the girl.
Dagur: The girl? Oh, good. [chuckles]
Hiccup: Astrid's drawn them far enough away. Let's get down there and see what Dagur is up to.
[dragon roars in distance]
Savage: Dragon rider, dead ahead!
Dagur: Nobody move. This one is mine. You're so predictable, Hiccup. Hold. Hold steady. Now!
Hiccup: No, it's a trap!
Gustav: Yeah! Oh, ooh, ah! Whoa!
Berserker: Again! Returning fire!
Dagur: Who in the name of Thor is that?
Hiccup: Oh, great.
Gustav: Fanghook, evasive maneuvers!
[rumbling, shouting continues]
Gustav: Oh, no.
Dagur: Save it for Hiccup! I want that Night Fury! Oh! Just... what...
Snotlout: Okay, that solves the Gustav problem. Interested in a lamb dinner on the way home?
Hiccup: Are you k... Snotlout! We have to save him!
Snotlout: [sighs] Fine!
Berserker: Metal trap moving into position, sir!
Hiccup: Fire it up!
Gustav: For the last time, that's my battle cry.
Hiccup: I know. Now use it.
Gustav: Fanghook, fire it up! Ow! Oh, no. Oh, no. Let's get out of here!
Berserker: the Night Fury! Ready the metal trap!
Dagur: Got ya!
Snotlout: I'm on my way, Hiccup! Come on, Gustav, we're going down there.
Gustav: No way. I'm getting out of here.
Snotlout: You're not going anywhere. You wanted experience. This is how you get it.
Gustav: I don't know, Snotlout. I don't think I can do this.
Snolout: Listen to me, kid. You're flying the Monstrous Nightmare, the most lethal dragon in the known world. You can do it, and you will do it.
Berserker: Got you now!
Gustav: You know what? I will do it.
Berserker: Keep it secure! Hold it down! Just give me a reason.
Both: Fire it up!
Hiccup: Toothless, fire.
Outcast: Ah! Oh, no! Help!
Dagur: My plan was perfect! I had the Night Fury in my clutches. Why didn't it work? Why, why, why?
'Savage: Uh, sir, I think the problem may have been in the, um, execution.
Dagur: Execution. Did somebody say "execution"? Now we're getting somewhere.
Berseker: Is he now?
Hiccup: Thanks, guys. Nice shooting.
Snotlout: By me. His eyes were closed.
Gustav: Hey, it was scary.
Stoick: So there was no secret weapon being test-fired?
Hiccup: No, it was all a trap. Dagur must have intentionally leaked the information to Trader Johann.
Stoick: Ah, he's as crafty as he is crazy. Well, I'm glad you're all safe.
Gustav: So I guess I'm not in the Dragon academy, huh?
Hiccup: I'll tell you what, Gustav. How about we make you our very first junior apprentice auxiliary reserve backup replacement rider?
Astrid: In training.
Hiccup: You realize, however, that means you have to study.
Gustav: Got it!
Fishlegs: Clean out the dragon stalls.
Hiccup: And no more unauthorized dragon flying. Neither of you are ready.
[dragon growls softly]
Gustav: I understand. Go on, Fanghook! Be free!
Gustav: Go on! I said go already!
Hiccup: Uh, I know that was hard, but it was the right thing to do.
Gustav: I know.
Snotlout: [chuckles] And you thought he could replace me?
Hiccup: Uh, no one can replace you.
Snolout: And don't you forget it.
Hiccup: You coming, Gustav?
Gustav: No, I just want to be alone for a minute.
Gustav: Fanghook! So what should we practice today?
A View to a Skrill, Part 2 (transcript)
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Free Scauldy (transcript)