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Total Nightmare (transcript)
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This is a transcript page for Total Nightmare.


Transcript

Hiccup: Come on, Toothless! Faster, bud!

Astrid: There they are!

Fishlegs: Close the dome!

Ruff: And so the drama begins...

Tuff: One man, one dragon, one leg, vs one rapidly closing dome.

Hiccup: It's gonna be close!

Snotlout: No way he's making that.

[Hiccup and Toothless beat however the dome]

Astrid: Yeah!

Snotlout: What?!

Hiccup: Good job, Toothless!

Snotlout: Alright, we're up.

Fishlegs: Come on, nobody's able to beat the dome except Hiccup.

Snotlout: Nobody 'til now.

Hiccup: Guys, this was supposed to be a drill, do we have to turn it into a game?

Astrid: Don't we always?

Hiccup: Good point.

Tuff: 'Twas once a drill, then it became a game, now it is theater.

Ruff: Let the drama unfold!

Snotlout: Whatever it is, it's my turn.

Tuff: I'll wager he loses an eye.

Ruff: haha! On the contrary, i predict act one, scene one will conclude with the loss of a gallbladder.

Tuff: Or perhaps a leg, what say you, young Hiccup?

Hiccup: Ook...

Snotlout: Stay focused, Hookfang. Keep your head in the game. Hookfaaang!

Ruff: He emerged from the forest!

Tuff: And what of his gallbladder?

Ruff: Impossible to say...

Tuff: The tension continues to build... ahh!

Tuff: And time runs out for our plucky little anti-hero...

Ruff: I love a ticking sundial, don't you?

Tuff: Indeed!

Hiccup: Guys, please.

Snotlout: Hookfang, leave the dome!

[Hookfang smash into the wall and when the dome is opened, he is gone]

Hiccup: Snotlout, are you ok?

Snotlout: Ow, define ok.

Hiccup: Where's Hookfang?

Snotlout: That's what i'd like to know. I've got some words for that dragon!

[In the forest]

Snotlout: Hookfang, Hookfang, where are you? Finally, there you are. Hey, woah, what's with the attitude? I'm supposed to be mad here, you know. Ok, Hooky, oh you've gotta be starving! Come on, Hookfang, let's get you back to Dragon's Edge.

[At the stables everyone is feeding their drgons]

Snotlout: Here, Hookfang. [Hookfang throws the fish back in his face] What, ow, you love mackerel!

Snotlout: Ow, hey, everybody saw that right?

Tuff: Yes we did, my friend and it was delightful.

Ruff: My good sir, can you reenact it for us?

Snotlout: No I mean Hookfang, he's acting weird.

Fishlegs: How's that?

Snotlout: Well, he didn't listen to me during the race, he ran away, he just spit fish in my face, and threw me against the wall!

Astrid: And this is weird how?

Hiccup: You have to admit, Snotlout that does kind of sum up your relationship with Hookfang.

Snotlout: If you're coming over here to tell me i'm crazy, save it .

Hiccup: You know what, Snotlout, you're right.

Snotlout: I am?

Hiccup: No one knows your dragon like you do. If you really think something's wrong with him, then lock him in a pen for tonight so he just doesn't hurt himself. Then we can see how he's doing in the morning.

Snotlout: Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I'll do that.

[Later at the stables]

Snotlout: Don't look at me like that. This is for your own good. See you in the morning.

[Hookfang lights on fire and breaks the wall]

[In the morning]

Snotlout: Hey! Hookfang, you feeling better? Who wants tuna for breakfast? Hookfang? Hookfang?

[Outside]

Snotlout: Hookfang is gone! He broke out of his pen last night!

Hiccup: Then this might be more serious than we thought.

Snotlout: Great. I accept your offer to help in the search. [To Toothless] Come on, Toothless. Up, bud. Fly, bud. Do something, bud!

Hiccup: Okay! Okay, calm down, Snotlout. We'll help you look for Hookfang.

Snotlout: Oh yeah, you will, it was your idea to leave him alone in his pen in the first place.

[In the air]

Snotlout: Hookfang! Hookfang!

Hiccup: Easy bud. The sooner we find Hookfang, sooner we'll get Snotlout off your back.

Snotlout: Give me your eye thingy.

Hiccup: You mean my spy glass?

[A dragon roar is heard]

Snotlout: That sound, we heard that before Hookfang weirded out. Go that way!

Hiccup: Would you... Okay. Okay, let me fly the dragon.

Astrid: That sounded like a Monstrous Nightmare.

[They land]

Snotlout: This place again? This is where I found him last time.

Astrid: Look! There is another Monstrous Nightmare!

Hiccup: That's not just another Monstrous Nightmare. That's a female Monstrous Nightmare.

Snotlout: A female Monstrous Nightmare? Now it all makes sense. My dragon has a way with the ladies! Must have picked up a few pointers from his master.

Astrid: I doubt it. She's not dry heaving.

Snotlout: Okay, shush. Hookfang, time's up. Let's go.

Hiccup: Snotlout, you might want to tread lightly. He's looking wee bit territorial.

Snotlout: Bit territorial. Thanks for the advice. Like you said, "no one knows my dragon better than me". So, when it comes to Hookfang, I handle my own business. Hookfang, Girl Hookfang? What's...

[Hookfang throws Snotlout away]

Snotlout: Yeah, he's really busy right now.

[At Dragon's Edge]

Astrid: Snotlout, it's not that bad. It could have been a lot worse.

Tuff: I fear not, fear maiden. Hookfang clwarly made a decisive choice in that moment, and, thus, acted upon it.

Ruff: Mm. Showing, not telling. The number one rule in theater. And what better way to achieve that than by setting one aflame!

Snotlout: Kid all you want, but I know that dragon. I know what's in his heart and in his head. He'll come backto me, like he always does.

Fishlegs: Uh...

Snotlout: Uh what? You're gonna tell me he's never coming back?

Fishlegs: Uh...

Hiccup: Fishlegs?

Fishlegs: Hookfang wouldn't follow his training, he wouldn't eat, he ran away twice, he picked another dragon over you.

Tuff: Don't forget the fire thing.

Fishlegs: Right. He pushed you away. All the symptoms are here.

Snotlout: Symptoms of what?

Fishlegs: I think Hookfang is going feral.

Tuff: No, not going feral!

Ruff: The cruelest turn of enents... Wait, what's "going feral" mean?

Tuff: I have no idea.

Fishlegs: It means that meeting this female has reawakened his primal instincts. And he's returning to the wild.

Snotlout: Shut up, Fishface! What do you know?! Hookfang needs me.

Fishlegs: It's nature, Snotlout. You can't fight it.

Snotlout: Watch me.

Tuff: Bravo! Bravissimo! Encore! Ah, what theater!

Ruff: Yes, and what a cliffhanger!

[Later at the stables]

Hiccup: It's a scary idea, huh? That one of our dragons might just one day go back to the wild? You'd never do that to me, would you bud? I didn't think so.

Astrid: Come on. If it was going to happen to anyone, it's gonna be Snotlout. I mean, none of us have to worry. Right? What smells so good?

Hiccup: You're giving Meatlug a rubdown?

Fishlegs: Yeah. With her favorite lingonberry oil. Just letting her know she's appreciated. [At Girl Hookfang's cave]

Snotlout: Finally! Primal instincts, Thor's butt! My primal instinct is to get my dragon back. Hi, Girl Hookfang! I see, you already got my boy bringing dinner for you. Big step. Alright, relax. I just wanted to come over and say hello. Maybe bring a little dessert for you? I've got something very special. [Throws some electric eels]

Snotlout: What? You don't like eel? Oops. If I were you, I'd fly away and never look back.

[Hookfang comes and throws the eels on Snotlout]

Snotlout: A... little... help... here! I have had enough of you, Hookfang! It's time to choose, her or me.

[At the stables]

Hiccup: Any luck with Hookfang?

Snotlout: You give a dragon the best years of your life and then... pfft ...it's over! 

Fishlegs: You want more bauxite, girl? 

Tuff: Classic romantic comedy paradigm. Boy gets dragon, boy loses dragon, dragon falls asleep, boy eats, boy falls asleep, dragon eats.

Ruff: Oh! Gets me every time.

Snotlout: I give up. If being with her makes Hookfang happy, I guess I should be happy for him, too. Ugh. If you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go lay down for a few... weeks.

Hiccup: Wow. It's really not like Snotlout to give up this easily.

Tuff: What can he do? Hookfang hath forsaken him. I, too, would be depress-ed, if Barf and Belch forsook-ed me.

Ruff: And if I forsak-ed thee?

Tuff: Eh. That wouldn't bother me.

Hiccup: We've gotta get him back in the saddle right away. That means we've got some work to do. [In the morning]

Snotlout: What's this?

Hiccup: We stayed up all night wrangling some new dragons. We figured, maybe with Hookfang going through... well, whatever he's going through, this might help.

Snotlout: Guys, I don't know what to say.

Astrid: Thank Thor.

Snotlout: Except that you wasted your time.

Hiccup: Oh, come on, Snotlout, at least try them out.

Snotlout: As awesome as Hookfire, Fangmaster and Hook Blazefang are... and I named them all already. I can't look at them and not think of Hookfang.

Tuff: Another cruel twist. Snotlout rejects the new suitors. Begone, pretenders, and never return! I hast forsookenst thou.

Hiccup: Snotlout, I know you're hurting, but we need you up there with us.

Astrid: Dagur's out there looking for us. We can't be down a rider.

Fishlegs: What if you tried riding a different kind of dragon?

Snotlout: I don't know. Maybe.

Hiccup: Yeah! There you go! How about a Nadder? Uh, Astrid?

Astrid: He doesn't want to ride Stormfly again. He's already...

Snotlout: Too small, too slow, two heads.

Hiccup: Okay. You don't like any of these dragons. So maybe we try some new ones. A Thunderdrum or a Timberjack? Or how about...

Snotlout: Listen guys, I don't want to come off as thankful or anything, but you taught me a lesson today by offering me your inferior dragons.

Hiccup: What are you saying?

Snotlout: I'm saying that if I can't fly Hookfang, I don't want to fly any dragon.

Astrid: How can you be a dragon rider and not ride a dragon?

Snotlot: You were always the smart one, Astrid.

Hiccup: Wait a minute, you're...

Snotlout: Quitting, that's right. I shall be a dragon rider no more.

Astrid: What?

Tuff: Time to call in the understudy.

Ruff: Hey Fishlegs, how's your Snotlout?

Hiccup: Oh, come on Snotlout, you're just hurting now, that's all. Give it some time.

Snotlout: No, Hiccup, my mind is made up. I'm going to say goodbye to Hookfang, and then sail back to Berk for good. It's over.

[At Girl Hookfang's cave]

Snotlout: Hello, Hookfang? Girl Hookfang? I've come to say goodbye. Hookfang? What did you do to him? I knew you were bad news! Make your move, she-devil! Eggs? What's going on here?

[A Titan Wing Monstrous Nightmare comes from the sky]

Snotlout: A Titan Wing Monstrous Nightmare? Come on! Could this get any worse? Whoa. I'd stay away from that guy. Hookfang! What are you doing?! I don't know why I'm doing this, but here goes nothing. You want Hookfang's girlfriend, you got to go through...

[The riders come]

Snotlout: What are you guys doing here? Not that I'm complaining.

Hiccup: We came to convince you not to quit.

Astrid: You wanna tell us what's going on here?

Fishlegs: It looks like two male dragons fighting over a female.

Ruff: Yeah, I've heard male Vikings do it too, but I've personally never seen it.

Fishlegs: But the Titan Wing heard the female's mating call, too and was drawn to it.

Tuff: Ah-ha! A love triangle!

Snotlout: Wrong. Girl Hookfang has three eggs in that cave. Hookfang has been helping her protect them from giant jerk dragon.

Hiccup: That wasn't a mating call Hookfang was answering, it was a distress call!

Astrid: Well, we taught him a lesson then. He won't be back.

Fishlegs: Yes, he will. They're probably the eggs of a rival. Titan Wings won't give up until they're destroyed.

Snotlout: So Hookfang didn't go feral after all?

Fishlegs: Apparently not. He's trying to establish dominance over the Titan Wing so he'll leave the eggs alone. Wow!

Snotlout: I knew it!

Tuff: A true underdog story.

Ruff: Yes! The apex of dramaturgy!

Snotlout: Ha! I'm proud of you, buddy. Girl Hookfang just became an honorary Jorgensen.

Astrid: Oh boy!

Fishlegs: Uh, Hiccup?

Hiccup: Yeah?

Fishlegs: Remember what I said about the Titan Wing Monstrous Nightmare coming back?

Hiccup: Yeah?

Fishlegs: Well...

[The Titan Monstrous Nightmare comes again]

Hiccup: Hookfang can't take on that Titan Wing alone.

Snotlout: He won't be alone.

Astrid: Neither will you.

Snotlout: We've gotta do this ourselves.

Astrid: No way! That thing will tear you apart. Saddle up, everybody.

Snotlout: You heard Fishlegs. That Titan Wing will only stop if it's dominated by Hookfang.

Hiccup: He's right.

Astrid: But Hiccup, look at that thing. It's...

Hiccup: I know. Gigantic, scary, angry.

Tuff: Bloodthirsty!

Hiccup: Thanks, Tuff.

Tuff: Sorry. Writer's embellishment.

Hiccup: Get him, Snotlout! You guys can do this.

Astrid: Hey, be careful. He's pretty nasty.

Snotlout: Whatever happens to us, promise me you'll protect those eggs.

Hiccup: We will.

Astrid: He's crazy.

Hiccup: He's Snotlout.

Astrid: True.

[Snotlout and Hookfang fight with the Titan Wing]

Astrid: Nice move!

Fishlegs: Hookfang's smaller but he's more maneuverable.

Tuff: The climax approaches.

Snotlout: This is gonna hurt! Way to go, Girl Hookfang! I always did like you. Okay, Hookfang, time to play Beat the Dome!

Astrid: Beat the Dome? That's his great idea?

Fishlegs: Whoa, whoa. Snotlout's never beaten the dome.

Hiccup: You're right, he hasn't. Okay, Astrid, Tuff, Ruff, you're with me. Fishlegs, stay with Girl Hookfang and defend the eggs.

[At the fight]

Snotlout: All right, keep coming, keep coming, keep coming. Woo-hoo! Oh, you couldn't make that turn? Man, you're gonna hate this.

[At the Edge]

Hiccup: Start the dome, now!

Snotlout: Yes, they got it! Oh, no!

Astrid: They didn't make it!

Snotlout: Got you! Ha! Great shot, Hookfang.

Hiccup: Hookfang's using the Titan Wing's size against him!

Astrid: He's trying to wear it down.

Hiccup: Quick, open the dome!

Snotlout: Now, that's what I call domination. Boom! You tell him, Fangster.

[At Girl Hookfang's cave]

Fishlegs: Guys, look. They hatched!

Snotlout: And to think I saved them. Okay, okay! We saved them. We saved them. Snotlout, Hookfang! Oi! Oi! Oi!

Tuff: I know.

Hiccup: Uh, what's wrong with you two?

Ruff: Nothing.

Tuff: You just don't see enough happy endings these days. Snotlout! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi! 

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