This is the transcript page for Twinsanity, complete with full dialogues and actions.


Hiccup (v.o.): They say two heads are better than one; which is often true, but four heads? Eh, that's a few heads too many.
RuffnutHow are we supposed to see up here?
Hiccup: You're not. That's the whole point.
TuffnutOh. No, I still don't get it.
Hiccup: When you two can't see, you have to trust Barf and Belch to see for you. Like this.
Tuffnut: Why does he always have to speak in RIDDLES?!
Ruffnut: I say we trust us.
Tuffnut: Yeah, I'm with you, sister!
Ruffnut: Barf, up!
Tuffnut: Belch, down!
Tuffnut: Belch, get me down!
Ruffnut: Barf, go for help!
FishlegsIt worked! I can't believe it actually worked!
Fishlegs: Whoa!
Hiccup: What was that hand thing you were doing?
Fishlegs: If you must know, I have been crafting some rudimentary hand signals for Meatlug just in case we get separated, and they seem to have been well-received.
Hiccup: Hmm. Hand signals. That's incredible, Fishlegs!
Fishlegs: Yeah, I know!
Hiccup: We need to start working on those right away.
Hiccup: Toothless, battle ready!
Hiccup: Toothless, plasma blast!
Hiccup: Good job, bud! Smile.
AstridNot bad. Stormfly, spine shot! Well, that's better than last time.
SnotloutHookfang, annihilate! Whoa!
Tuffnut: Bull's-eye.
Fishlegs: Meatlug, hug!
Hiccup: Hmm, that could actually be useful. Ruff, Tuff, your turn.
Ruffnut: Barf, go.
Tuffnut: Belch, come.
Ruffnut: Barf, sky.
Tuffnut: Belch, ground.
Tuffnut: Ha-ha! I win!
Ruffnut: What do you think you're doing to my dragon?
Tuffnut: Your dragon? Puh-lease. You've been breathing in Barf's gas again.
Ruffnut: Yeah, so?!
Hiccup: Guys, guys. Barf and Belch is one dragon. You have to use one signal at a time.
Ruffnut: Good idea. Barf, attack Tuffnut! Ha! How's that?
Fishlegs: I don't think it's what Hiccup--
Tuffnut: Belch, eat Ruffnut!
Ruffnut: Uh, ow!
Hiccup: Tuff, come on.
Tuffnut: Whatever. Belch, drop Ruffnut.
Ruffnut: I can't work like this.
Tuffnut: Ugh, it's completely unprofessional.
Ruffnut: I'm taking my dragon and going home.
Tuffnut: You touch that dragon, and I'll--
Ruffnut: You'll what?
Tuffnut: I...I don't know. Don't rush me. Just, uh...uh, I'll tell you tomorrow!
Ruffnut: Ugh, come on, Barf.
Hiccup: Guys, come on. Stop, please. Leave the dragon out of it; it's over.
Ruffnut: Oh, it's over.
Tuffnut: Yeah, it's so over it's under!
Astrid: What was that all about?
Hiccup: Eh, they'll be back.
GobberArgh, suck in your gut, Stoick.
GobberIt's sucked, Gobber! It doesn't suck anymore than this!
Hiccup: Ah, the ceremonial belt. Is it that time again?
Stoick: Yep, tomorrow's the annual treaty signing with the Berserker tribe.
Gobber: They've gotta change that name. When your Chief's Oswald the Agreeable, and you haven't been to war in fifty years.
Hiccup: Oh, please tell me he's not bring that lunatic kid of his?
Gobber: Dagur? Oh, he'll be here.
Hiccup: Oh, great, and let me guess: I get to keep him from breaking things.
Stoick: Actually, no. I have a more important job for you. You get to hide all the dragons.
Hiccup: From Oswald the Agreeable? Why?
Stoick: Hiccup, just because we've have had peace with them for fifty years doesn't mean they still can't go, well--
Gobber: Berserk?
Stoick: Exactly. The dragons could be seen as a sign of aggression. Better blissful than bloody I always say.
Gobber: And the last thing we want is another Berserker skirmish. They tend to play for keeps.
Stoick: Just hide the dragons, son.
Snotlout: Back in line! Back in line! Everybody, in line, in line! Is Dagur coming? He's so cool!
Hiccup: Cool? Last time he was here, he used me for a knife throwing target.
Astrid: That guy should be locked up in a cage.
Fishlegs: That's what he did to me! He wouldn't let me eat for three days!
Snotlout: Then he force fed you rotten cod heads!
Fishlegs: Thanks. I almost erased that from my memory.
Astrid: Look out! Incoming Zippleback!
Hiccup: Where's Ruffnut and Tuffnut? Someone get that Dragon.
Snotlout: I'm on it!
Hiccup: Snotlout, you need two riders. Fishlegs, get in there.
Fishlegs: Heh, I'm not sure this is really the best-- Whoa! I don't feel so good.
Hiccup: It's the gas. Just try not to breath any in.
Fishlegs: Yeah, that ship has sailed.
Snotlout: Whoa! Hey! Somebody tell me how to work this thing.
Hiccup: Whatever you do Snotlout, don't spark!
Fishlegs: Okay. Now I feel worse.
Snotlout: Then if I were you, I would not think of that rotten cod head sliding down your throat.
Snotlout: Oh! That is disgusting!
Hiccup: Wait here. I need to find the twins to get that Zippleback under control before the Berserkers-
Astrid: Are here.
Hiccup: Great. Just great.
Hiccup: Hey, Dad, there's something...
Stoick: Not now, son. Oswald is here.
Berserker HeraldPresenting the high Chief of he Berserker tribe, cracker of skulls, slayer of beasts, the great and fearsome...
Gobber: Oswald the Agreeable?
Berserker Herald: Dagur the Deranged!

[The Berserker steps out of the way for Dagur. Dagur spits and chuckles with an evil smirk.]

Stoick: Dagur?
Gobber: Deranged?
Hiccup: Oh, no.

[Dagur throws a knife towards Hiccup. Hiccup ducks, barely missing the knife.]

Hiccup: Oh, perfect.
Stoick: Dagur, where's your father?
Dagur the DerangedMy father has been... retired. He lost his taste for blood. I, on the other hand, am starving. So, where are you hiding them, Stoick?
Stoick: Hiding what, Dagur?
Dagur: Do I look stupid to you?
Gobber: Trick question, don't answer it.
Dagur: We both know what's going on here. I have it on excellent authority that you're amassing an army of dragons.
Stoick: Excellent authority? And who would that be, Dagur?
Dagur: Never mind. Just know that if I find it to be true, then my armada will attack with the force of fifty thousand brave Berserker soldiers.
Stoick: Stand down, Dagur. There won't be any need for the armada. Now lets get to the treaty.
Dagur: Yes, let's. According to the treaty, my visit starts with a tour of Berk, the armory, the feast in the Great Hall, the killing arena-- you do still kill dragons here, hmm?
Stoick: Your father never found the tour necessary.
Dagur: As you can see, I'm not my father. Am I?
Gobber: Not in front of the armada.
Hiccup: Oh, this is bad, this is bad. This is really bad. I have to find that Zippleback!
Astrid: Hiccup, we have a problem.
Hiccup: Oh, yeah, you're telling me? Dagur's the new Berserker Chief!
Astrid: What?!
Hiccup: Yeah, his father "retired"! And he thinks we're hiding dragons.
Astrid: Well, we kind of are. Which brings us to our next problem.
Hiccup: Huh, Barf? Belch? Here?
Gobber: And we're walking, walking. Here we have our food storage. It's where we... well...
Dagur: Oh, oh, oh, let me guess! Store your food.
Gobber: No wonder they made him chief.
Hiccup: Barf, Belch, come back here!
Dagur: Bo-ring! I want to see the dragon-killing things!
Stoick: Follow me.
Astrid: Where did it go?
Hiccup: I have no idea. You keep looking, and I'll go warn my dad.
Dagur: Oh, you want some of this, Gronckle? How ‘bout you, Nadder? Hyah! That's right plead, plead for your pathetic dragon life!
Gobber: He's really got a handle on that whole "deranged" thing.
Stoick: I'm about to make him eat this sword!
Gobber: Why don't we see to signing that treaty now?
Dagur: Sounds like my father. "Sign the treaty, Dagur." "Leave that chicken alone, Dagur!" "Put down that axe, Dagur!"
Stoick: Your father is a great man! And I'll not have you disrespect him!
Dagur: My father was a coward. I intend to return the Berserkers to their former glory. Something he was incapable of doing.
Stoick: Zippleback!
Dagur: I knew it! Where is it? Ooh, let me kill it, let me kill it!
Gobber: He's joking, Dagur! That Stoick, always the prankster. Tell me, Dagur, what are some of your deranged plans for the Berserker tribe?
Hiccup: Barf? Belch? Guys you can't be here! Oh, come on, what did they do? Okay, think like Ruffnut and Tuffnut. I can't believe I just said that. Barf, Belch, sky!
Dagur: Nice weapons, very clean, no blood stains, pity. Ah, Hiccup, there you are.
Hiccup: Dagur! I was just thinking about you! Hey, remember that time we went swimming, and you tried to drown me?
Dagur: Hohohohohohoheheheheha. Oh, the laughs we had. Bored again! Just a moment. Something is going on here.
Hiccup: I can explain.
Dagur: Where is it?
Hiccup: Look it’s just one drag--
Dagur: Your leg. Never mind. I heard all about it.
Hiccup: You heard all about what?
Dagur: You. The Red Death. Defeated it all on your own.
Hiccup: What? Me? Look at me. How is that even possible?
Dagur: Right? That's what I thought, too, but then I heard about the trained dragons, and that got me, well, kind of tingly.
Hiccup: Trained dragons? I do-- I don't even-- How would you train a dragon?
Dagur: I don’t know. How would you?
Hiccup: Alright, then. Whose hungry?
Stoick: It’s this way Dagur.
Hiccup: Oh, boy, am I hungry.
Stoick: I said, this way, Dagur! Get that dragon out of here.
Hiccup: We need the twins.
Tuffnut: What are you guys doing here?
Hiccup: Hey, Tuffnut, feel like talking?
Astrid: Um, can you come down?
Tuffnut: Whatever. Whoa. Yeah, I love that part.
Hiccup: Look, about Barf and Belch, we need you and Ruffnut to get your dragon under control.
Tuffnut: Uh-uh. No. No, thank you. I am officially out of the dragon business, and the sister business, and the dragon and sister business: The "dristisderness".
Astrid: What’s going on with you two.
Tuffnut: Simple. You know what this is?
Hiccup: Uh, a spoon?
Tuffnut: No it’s our spoon. Just like this is our dish, and our axe, and our well-groomed stuff yak. Everything is ours. I’m sick of ours. Just once I want something to be just mine. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pack up my half of the yak.
Hiccup: Go? Where?
Tuffnut: I don't know. To my dark, soggy, alone place. Not to cry. This house, it has too many memories.
Hiccup: Tuff!
Astrid: Dark, soggy, alone place?
Hiccup: Yeah, I really don't want to know.
Stoick: Did you get that Zippleback under control?
Hiccup: We're working on it.
Dagur: A toast! To death in battle!
Gobber: To your father! To Oswald!
Dagur: Fine, whatever! "To Oswald! To Oswald! To Oswald!" Bladady, Bladady, Blah! Ugh!
Gobber: Well, on that cheery note, shall we sign the treaty and send you on your way?
Dagur: Great idea! Let's sign that treaty. Bring us the dragon's blood!
Hiccup: Uh, did you say dragon's blood?
Stoick: Heh, heh. Don’t be ridiculous, Dagur. Your father and I haven’t signed the treaty in dragon's blood for years.
Dagur: Why would that be a problem, Stoick? Unless, of course, you don't kill dragons anymore.
Stoick: We still kill dragons.
Gobber: The problem is, we've killed so many, there isn't a dragon within two hundred miles-- Except that one.
Dagur: The Zippleback! It's a sign. A head for each Chief! It’s going to be amazing! Tonight, we hunt dragon!
Berserkers: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Stoick: You need to find that Zippleback before he does.
Astrid: Hiccup, you heard Tuffnut. He went to his dark, soggy, alone place. That could be anywhere.
Snotlout: Not really! That could only be one place. What?
Hiccup: Why didn't you say something?!
Snotlout: Why didn't you ask?
Astrid: Snotlout, we've been looking for them all day!
Snotlout: And?
Astrid: And if you don’t right now, I’m gonna throw you off that dragon!
Snotlout: No need to get violent. He's probably at the lost cavern. They used to play hide and go kill there when they were kids.
Hiccup: Astrid, you and Snotlout take the South entrance of the cavern. Fishlegs and I will take the North.
Astrid: Let's go. Ugh.
Hiccup: Alright, bud, do your thing. Search.
Snotlout: Pretty dark in here. If you need to hold my hand, Astrid, it's okay.
Astrid: Sure, Snotlout.
Snotlout: Ooh. Soft as I thought it would be... EWW!
Hiccup: Tuffnut?
Tuffnut: Oh, you guys again. Would you quit following me?!
Astrid: Ruffnut?
Ruffnut: Would you quit following me?!
Hiccup: Did you guys hear that?
Snotlout: Duh. It's called an echo.
Hiccup: Toothless, plasma blast!
Tuffnut: What are you doing in my soggy place?!
Ruffnut: This is my soggy place! And I’m not sharing it with you!
Hiccup: Okay, listen, please. We need to get you guys to your dragon. It’s important.
Astrid: Barf and Belch are in real trouble.
Tuffnut: I'll go! But not with her.
Ruffnut: I'm not going anywhere with her either!
Tuffnut: Yeah! Wait, what?
Hiccup: No, you don’t understand. You both have to go! Guys, listen. Like it or not, your connected to each other, and the two of you are connected to that dragon. Just like me with Toothless.
Astrid: And me with Stormfly.
Fishlegs: Us, too.
Hiccup: We can get you another spoon, another dish, another stuffed yak. What we can't get you is another Barf and Belch.
Tuffnut: Eh...
Hiccup: Do you think they got any of that?
Tuffnut: Fine. You know, I did spit a little more in my hand.
Astrid: They got it.
Hiccup: Okay, let's go. We're out of time.
Tuffnut: So why is this so important, anyway?
Snotlout: The Berserkers are hunting down your dragon to use its blood for ink. What? Is that not what’s happening?
Hiccup: There they are! We gotta to get you guys down there.
Tuffnut: NOOOO! What are we doing here?! We have to get our dragon!
Hiccup: We can't afford to be spotted by the Berserkers.
Dagur: Hyah! How... dare... you?
Stoick: How dare you? We're supposed to slay this dragon together, and that's what we'll do, in the arena, where dragon killing is done.
Dagur: To the arena!
Tuffnut: The Chief’s not gonna let them kill our dragon...
Ruffnut and Tuffnut: Is he?
Hiccup: He won't have a choice unless we can figure out a plan.
Snotlout: I have a plan. One word: ANNIHILATE! Unh! Hookfang!
Astrid: Or not.
Hiccup: Actually, that could work!
Gobber: According to the treaty, the killing of the dragon-- must be--
Dagur: Bored! I want the head on the right.
Stoick: I’m putting a stop to this. If it means war, it means war.
Astrid: The Dragons are attacking! Run for your lives! We gotta get out of here!
Gobber: What is going on?
Stoick: Gobber, dragon attack.
Gobber: Oh. Dragon attack! Everyone out of here! We must protect our honored guests.
Dagur: Run if you want, but Dagur the Deranged will not retreat!
Ruffnut: Barf, gas.
Tuffnut: Belch, spark.
Dagur: Whoa! A Night Fury! They do exist!
Hiccup: Back, you... fiend, you! You’ll not harm my friend Dagur. Please, Dagur, save yourself. You owe it to your people!
Dagur: Berserkers, to the boats!
Gobber: What about the treaty?
Dagur: Consider it signed!
Stoick: Well done, Hiccup. I doubt we'll be seeing much more of Dagur the Deranged.
Hiccup: Lets hope not.
Hiccup (v.o.): I used to think four heads was a little crazy, and I wasn't wrong.
Snotlout: I still think Dagur's pretty cool!
Hiccup (v.o.): But I'll take crazy over berserk any day of the week.
What Flies Beneath (transcript)
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Defiant One (transcript)